heartbroken

this post has the potential to be quite depressing and i apologise about this and i welcome you not to read it if you don't want to be depressed.

So this week my boyfriend broke up with me.
Yes i feel like shit and probably look like it, cant stop crying, don't really want food, just want him back. But i know its never gonna happen so i have that to deal with too. I'm not gonna go into the gory details cause they will just upset me more and to be honest there weren't that many.

Basically its not what he wanted and everything and i respect that he told me now instead of stringing me along. Its just horrible because i miss him so much. Everything reminds me of him, people will say things or ill hear a song or see something and it just pulls my heart apart a tiny bit more. at the moment my heart is in one billion million tiny pieces and I'm not good with dealing with it.

i look a his picture on facebook and i just remembered how amazingly beautiful he is and then looked closer and he was wearing my scarf. Not  scarf that i bought him one that i gave him that was mine that he wanted and one that i used to wear. And it wasn't an old photo because i an sad and can tell by the size of his beard. That didn't help with the crying.

And he has a Friend. A girl friend. not as in someone he goes out with but a friend who is a girl. And before the break up we talked (and still do) and she was talking to me and just making me feel worse because he had spoken to her instead of me about our relationship. it kind of hurt cause i didn't want him to have to talk about us elsewhere i wanted us to be open together.

in short i want him to love me and i know he doesn't. Who knows he could change his mind in the future. I just pray for that day to come and that it will come. But if it doesn't then i will have to live with this broken heart of mine